Lady Liberty’s Cause of Death

Now that the scaffolding is complete, an impartial panel of coroners in Paris, where la statue de la Liberté was sculpted, will conduct an autopsy to determine Lady Liberty’s cause of death. While crews dismantle her body, an investigative team of international lawmakers will continue their inquiries in the United States where she was fatally killed. Although the exact cause of death is unknown, authorities noted where Emma Lazarus’s famous 1883 sonnet “The New Colossus” had once been there was now black, putrid Gangrene obliterating the words, “Give me your tired, your poor,/ Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” Therefore, the investigation will begin with the Trump administration’s immigration policies and the USA PATRIOT Act. However, authorities have not ruled out other known suspects: the recent un-blockable text sent to every US citizen with a mobile phone; and Facebook’s business model, also known as “surveillance capitalism.” It is rumored that Oliver Stone, the legendary Hollywood filmmaker, has begun work on a controversial docudrama exposing Lady Liberty as a false symbol of hope and prosperity used by the US government to lure the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free from other countries into low-paying, back-breaking jobs. No one from the US government, Trump’s administration, or Facebook could be reached for comment.